Basic Instinct

May 12, 2009  |  1 Comment

Kellie Smith is The Daily News’ Bride-in-Residence. Kellie and her boyfriend (she hates the moniker fiancé), Glenn, will be married in August 2009 at the Historic Distillery District: they have been engaged since December 2007. Read Kellie’s and The Wedding Co.’s other real weddings posts here.

We’ve all heard the expression: “Trust your instinct.” I recently had the opportunity to learn what happens when you don’t.

Glenn and I had 20 months to plan our wedding. Protocol dictates that dress shopping should begin about a year out, so I figured I would wait until then, I wasn’t in a rush. I didn’t anticipate that we’d be buying a home at exactly that time, and that all wedding planning would come to a halt. It wasn’t until the Christmas season that I thought: “Oh, bleep, the wedding is in 8 months.”

A year’s worth of flipping through mags and surfing online had enabled me to narrow down my “absolutely wants” list as well as my “do not wants”. I had a fairly healthy, though not unlimited budget and I figured I was in good shape to breeze through this dress shopping business easily. I hit the bridal boutiques with a vengeance.

Fast-forward to January when I start receiving mixed looks of confusion and disgust from sales people as I share my wedding date. The pressure to find a dress was officially on.

I felt the obligation to explore all options at this point, so, despite misgivings, I went to a sample sale at a high-end salon.  I couldn’t find a dress that fit my “wants” but because there were some incredible prices on some exquisite dresses, I tried a few on anyway.  The last had my girlfriend and the salespeople remarking how beautiful it was. So as I stood staring at myself in the mirror and holding onto the dress so I wouldn’t accidentally flash the salon if it fell, I started telling myself, “Well it is a beautiful dress … not what you wanted, but it’s an excellent price. It’s in pristine condition.  Everyone else seems to think it looks good. Even with alterations it’s still a great deal.”

It hung in my closet for a week while I continued to look online at other dresses: it felt like I was cheating. And then I realized this dress and I were not meant to be. Somehow, in spite of knowing better, I managed to buy a dress that I didn’t truly love because I didn’t go with my instinct.

A few weeks later, I found my dream dress. No pressure about timelines. No concessions needed to be made. It’s exactly what I want, my gut told me so. Is it in the budget?  No. But I will sell the first dress, and I will make it work because I do not want to feel ok walking down the aisle, I want to feel amazing.

Comments